Is it Just Me?

Why is it such a constant struggle to follow God’s will? It should be so simple, shouldn’t it? The facts have been presented to me, so why must I struggle through daily transgressions of Faith?

I consider myself to be a decent and righteous human being. From an early age I have tried to live an ethical life. In my early development I developed an ethical foundation not so much do to my religious upbringing but rather because my heart told me the right things to do. I guess my parents covertly instilled morals into my life. Hmm, those sneaky so-and-so’s. Now that I am back on a spiritual track; one in which my faith has begun to blossom again (however slightly it may seem at times) my moralistic actions have taken on new meaning. As I once treated others how I wished to be treated simply because it was a logical thing to do has since transformed into actions that bring me closer to God.

The one problem I suffer from is (yes I live a very fruitful life and I only have one problem, speaking of fruitful, send me an email I am selling a few bridges in New York) the Light Switch Syndrome or LSS. Don’t bother looking it up, I just coined the phrase while trying to understand what was happening to me. The definition of LSS is, the action of turning your religious values on and off as simply as flipping a light switch. I use the word action rather than ability because I feel this act is not always a conscious one. Okay now that I have you totally confused I will give you an example of what I mean.

Last night while driving home from work on the way to pick up my children from daycare I was listening to one of my favorite Podcasts,The Catholic Hack with Joe McClane. It was halfway through an interview segment of this Podcast that I realized Joe hadn’t prayed at the beginning of the program as he normally did. After the interview segment concluded Joe remarked that he had neglected to pray at the beginning of the program and decided to do so at that moment. His prayers (however unconventional) are always well structured and spiritually uplifting. His ordered prayers would appear to be a scripted, yet he has the uncanny ability of delivering them in an effortless manor, which to the ear would suggest that they are off-the-cuff. As he began the prayer I had pulled into the parking lot of my children’s school. Knowing that I would have to finish the Podcast at a later date, I couldn’t go into the building until he finished praying. Once the prayer had concluded I entered the school with an uplifted heart. I was ready to take on the world with Jesus as my guide. I was ready to live out the rest of the day with the What Would Jesus Do mentality. When I entered my daughter’s classroom I was instantly greeted with her disdain for having to leave school for the day, a frequent occurrence I might add. Apparently for her school is a more enlightening experience than the alternative of having to endure a ride home with Dad and her younger brother. In any case I plodded on with this daily drama, as I knew her feelings would soon pass and the rest of her day wouldn’t be so bad after all. After we united with her brother we headed home in the car.

Enter the Light Switch Syndrome. About halfway home my uplifted heart, unbeknownst to me was no longer following the ways of God. I was instantly irritated with my fellow commuters who obviously have not been trained in the art of merging into traffic nor had they been educated in the school of common courtesy. A simple wave of thanks would have made things all better, at least for me, but I digress. I found myself becoming judgmental and irritated at these individuals for what I perceived as transgressions against me. I had to stop and ask myself, what am I doing? Would Jesus be proud of me for the way I was acting, even if it was only in my own head? I didn’t think so, so I flipped the switch again and tried to change my current tact.

This longwinded example may seem trivial to some of you but I often wonder to myself, how can I change? If I am considered to be a creation of God’s own likeness, than how come it is so easy for me to turn the righteous switch on and off? Does this flaw make me a bad person? I guess it doesn’t, especially if I notice it within myself and take immediate corrective action. But I struggle with the fact that this happens in the first place. I want to do the right thing because it is what God would expect of me. And although life is good, heaven is soooooo much better!

I’d be interested to find out if there are others like me who struggle as much as I do with my Faith Journey. Is LSS an isolated case study or is it an epidemic that will be recorded in the annals of religious psychiatric phenomena? Do tell.

God Bless,

Scott